Do The Work?

By Michael Rhodes | December 4, 2021

When I began my Divorce journey, back in July of 2019 I knew that I needed help to get through it.  I leaned on friends very heavily, but few really understood what I was going through.  I also went back into therapy and started working out.  Unfortunately I also did what many other men do, I slept around, I partied, I did whatever I could to numb the pain.  The sleeping around and partying died down fairly quickly, took me about 2 months, because I realized it wasn’t helping.  It was a desperate attempt of avoiding my feelings, the pain of it all.  The woman I loved left me and said really shitty things to me, about me, on the way out and I just couldn’t deal with it.  I couldn’t face it.  I was, “manning up”.

Fortunately my therapist and the one friend I had that had gone through it, provide me with support and love that eventually steered me to where I needed to be and that was a place of deciding to do the work of healing.  So in January of 2020 I stopped seeing someone that I was mostly exclusive with, quit the serial dating, and just tried to focus on me.  I began to do the work.  I read books, listened to podcasts, and eventually got into the Alpha Code.  That last part is what propelled me to where I am today.  In short, I did the work, and I still am.

I eventually go to a place where I felt I could help, that I could give back.  So the podcast was started, I began to be active in the Divorce Support for Men FB community, becoming an moderator, and tried to help men in the way that I’d been helped.  As time went on the podcast came to be, I started a Discord server, and decided I wanted to launch this website.  Great Michael, you say, what’s your point.  I’ll get there …probably.

I suppose my point, and I why I started this blog is because I’m worried.  I’m worried that I am doing all this and it will fall on deaf ears.  Are enough men able to take what is offered?  Will men continue to “man-up” and ignore their pain, lean on their anger, to isolate?  I honestly don’t know and it worries me.

Over time I eventually became an admin of the  Divorce Support for Men FB group and that has opened my eyes even further.  There is so much anger and hostility in that group, so many men unwilling to take a look at themselves, to really engage with their feelings, they would rather stay isolated.  Can I, just a random dude on the internet, find men that are willing to do the work, that don’t want to stay isolated, that do want to get out, and get with other men that are going through this?  Somedays, today perhaps, I honestly don’t know.  I think us men have been so pigeon holed into man up mentality that going it alone feels so comfortable.  We as men have focused so much on external successes, the pretty wife, the good job, the nice car, that we have abandoned our internal selves.  We have decided that doing the work, has nothing to do with our feelings and our connections to other humans.  And honestly, if you are going through a Divorce right now, you need other humans to survive it, and I don’t know if we have become so attached to the I will do it myself mentality, that what I am trying to do will work.   I just don’t know.  The main thing I am trying to do is connect men that are going through this so we can help each other AND grow together because of it.   But, if we don’t shed our, I can do it by myself world view, then this, what I am trying to do, will fail.  But you can bet your ass, I will do my best to make sure it doesn’t.  I will not go down without a fight.  I will continue to do the work and for me, that means, amongst other things, that I will try to bring men together.  Will it work, I don’t know.  But I will try, that I can promise you.

Much love.

Michael

Join the site and join a group near you today.

 

PS…for more thoughts on this topic, check out this great article on Psychology Today; The High Cost Of Men’s Loneliness

 

 

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