This is a transcription of Episode 86. The transcription was done by software, apologies for anything that seems out of whack. A link to the episode is below.
Okay, so I was going to do
a man Hello, Aaron, how are you, sir? An episode just to duel Hansie. That was the plan a couple weeks ago, and then his schedule got screwed up. So hey, Adam, how are you, sir? So I was gonna push it out to this date and time, but then I we’d never worked it out in terms of scheduling. And so I thought, well, it’s we’re few days from the second anniversary of this thing. So last year, I did sort of a celebratory broadcast. I don’t remember if I did it live. Honestly, I think I did. But I’m not sure. So I thought I would do it. Tonight. I can’t do it. Thanksgiving, I’ll have my children’s, which would be the actual anniversary. So I just thought I would do it this evening. So there’s a few things I’m gonna cover tonight. Certainly, hey, we’ll look at Hey, good to see you, my friend. There’s a couple of things I want to cover that I’ve been sort of that I want to cover in terms of the podcast, some information, some stats and things of that nature. I’m not going to give too much because I want to wait till the end of the year to really sort of unveil how well it seems to be doing. Well is it’s all a relative thing. Right? Well, to me is probably his poor to Joe Rogan’s. Right I don’t have those kinds of numbers, but I’m okay with that. Because I started from zero. So let’s talk about let me find my browser. I want to cover how many different countries and cities this this podcast has been listened in, because I think that’s a pretty fucking cool thing. So let me go to stats and locations, and all episodes. takes a moment to update because there’s a lot which is weird, but awesome. Some of these honestly have no fucking clue how people find this. So since the beginning of this endeavor, this podcast has been heard in 97 different countries. I can’t even fucking wrap my head around that. I didn’t know there were 97 countries. Be honest with you. So obviously, the bulk of that is the United States of America. That’s 79% of my my listens. Come from from the States. There are some one offs here and there. Let’s see what the lowest number is. There’s a lot of one one listens. I don’t know which episode. Taiwan. Croatia, Jordan, Morocco Bahamas, Panama, Ethiopia, Venezuela, Costa Rica. Fiji. I could go on and on. So there’s a there. There’s a lot of one offs. Bahrain is Estonia, Chile, Malley Austria. And then there’s some some to to Episode lessons and there’s I won’t list all those. There’s only a couple of those actually. And then three and on online. So Russia, Peru, Thailand, Greece, Turkey, North Macedonia, Qatar, Qatar, however the fuck you say that? And then it’s starting to get up. In terms of numbers a little bit. Brazil, there’s 20 lessons Kenya 20. listens. Egypt 28. Pakistan 49 listens. Like, how the fuck did that happen? Finland 98 South Africa. 103. Sweden, 128. Australia coming in hot. My Australian brothers my alpha code brothers, I assume has something to do with 17 167 lessons that taking place in Australia. So that’s the number of countries and I think I can drill down and to the cities. I’m pretty sure that they isn’t here. Yes. So go here. See all cities. Again, another minute to me just pretty fun. I can mind blowing it this podcast has been listened to in 3355 cities across the world. That’s fucking weird. Thanks. Well, I appreciate that. But my friend, Toronto, Ontario leads the way with 652 listens. Why now it’s being weird. No, don’t close. My app is not liking all of this data. Open it back up. So Toronto leads the way, as I said, and then some, maybe I’ll do the top five. So Philadelphia, Seattle, Washington, Houston, Texas, and Sydney, Australia. See, that’s five, right 12345 Those are the top five. It’s so many fucking cities that my phone is not liking me right now. Because I’m trying to, I want to look at all of them. And it’s like, it’s fucking it up. I keep it keeps crashing my on Earth, you can see that. But it’s, it’s saying chrome isn’t responding. So I can’t drill down too much. But that’s, that’s, I mean, it’s pretty fucking crazy. Really. I didn’t set out for any of that I set out to help. As best as I could, right. And I feel like we’re accomplishing that. But and I say we because if, if it wasn’t for, you know, those 79 countries or whatever the fuck it was, I wouldn’t say 90 to 97 countries, or whatever it was. It wasn’t for you guys, those people out there. Those would be listening right now if it wasn’t for you, listening and continuing to listen and reaching out and commenting and supporting in some cases, you know, it would just be me talking to myself. So there are moments where I question you know, and this isn’t the no one has to tell me. This is no solicitation for you to tell me but I sometimes wonder am I doing any fucking good? Am I helping? And I asked myself that question largely because of what occurs in this particular group on occasion. And what occurs is all all the shit that I wish wouldn’t misogyny women bashing, which I guess is the same thing. fingerpointing shirking responsibility the Don’t be a bitch man up stuff, that’s there’s less of that, because I’ve made it a point to get rid of that, but it still creeps in because we have, I don’t know, 20 to 40 men. They don’t get through every day, because sometimes there’s a backlog. But I think we’ve I’ve tried to do things to set the tone, but it’s hard. It’s, it’s hard to police this place sometimes. And it because largely, it’s, it’s so much easier to point your finger at somebody else rather than take responsibility. Now, that doesn’t mean you’re solely responsible, but you are solely responsible for yourself going forward. And a lot of times that gets missed in here, unfortunately, I think what occurs is your some folks want to tell you how shitty women are and that makes you feel better about yourself. And that’s just so cheap and fake and phony to me. And that’s just not who I am. And so I don’t want it in here. But it’s hard. To not, it’s hard to weed it out sometimes. And it’s in here sometimes in subtle ways, right? People don’t come out and say it, but they’ll make little jokes and, and things of that nature. And I don’t know how much of that is, is intentional, or we’re not in terms of trying to be covertly misogynistic, or just slightly to stay under the radar. But it still fosters this. Women are shitty and and we seen this a few weeks ago, in particular, when there was this viral video that was going around this woman which I there Part of me wanted to play that clip for this episode, but I think a lot of you have seen it if you haven’t it’s it’s some kind of cute kind of hot chick saying that women are failing because they’re leaving relationships. And she calls out one stat which is correct. She said 70 to 80% of marriages are ending due to women filing that is correct. And she says but I think we can apply that to relationships too. That’s not data. That’s your opinion,
it could be true. I don’t know that. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. That fact means nothing. And I want to cover a couple of things around this topic. So it is true that the stats say that more women are leaving divorces. But there’s a lot of nuance to that data that we don’t know. And so focusing on that numbers is really kind of silly. And I’ll tell you why, for a few reasons, I want to get into the some other types of data. But I want to I want to break this down. First, and this is something I talked about on a few live videos, and I find it pretty, pretty eye opening. So we’re going to take a simple round number of 1010 marriages, I’m a simple fella, we’ll go with simple numbers, we’re gonna go with 10. Right, so 10 marriages, 1010 people, 10 couples get married, five of them are going to to get divorced. Right, so that’s now we have five failed marriages. So if the numbers are correct, and I think they are some numbers, say 69%, some say 80% We can call it 80%. So five marriages, 80% of those marriages are because of women filed, right. So that’s for marriages, right? So four out of 10 40% have failed because women chose to end the marriage. Now. I’m gonna get into some stats in a few minutes here that kind of point out that some men suck. So at least one of those marriages you got to give me was because the guy was a giant fucking douchebag and deserve to be left. So that’s, that’s three, we’re down to 30% of marriages, or because women filed or women left for whatever reason. So that’s 30%. In some cases, 30% is a good number, right? If you’re in baseball, and you’re in the major leagues, 30% of the time you get a hit, you’re pretty good. If you’re a doctor and you’re going through or you’re trying to be a doctor, and you’re going through medical school, if you get 30% on your tests, you’re a fucking moron, and you’re not going to be a doctor. So so we’re focusing on a problem that is not even close to half, right? We’re talking about 30% feel a little bit like Allen Iverson, they’re talking about 30% You in the problem. And that again, there’s nuance to that number, and there’s guys in here that file, but she cheated. I mean, there’s just so much. You can look at larger numbers, I think that’s a good thing. But there’s so much individuality to these situations that you it’s impossible to really parse it out. You have your experience. And the problem is in here in particular, this is where a lot of men come who’ve been lied to and been cheated on and been left and it has been filed. And we’ll have a god post a story about how that’s what happened to him and someone else would go me to all these women. It’s like 30% 30%. So I don’t understand sometimes why. And I get it. I do understand it’s the comfort in it’s not my fault, bro. It’s these women. It’s all of them, all of them. Now, if you know all women, and you’ve had a chance to talk to all of them, could you please let me know how you did that? Because there are about 4 billion of them on the fucking planet. And so this chick who did this video, she’s clearly not one of them. She’s telling you how shitty women are so she can’t be a shitty woman. Right? So there’s one. Well, then then then your theory is a house of fucking cards. So and this isn’t saying that there aren’t shitty women a fucking course they’re shitty women. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how many there are. If there are what matters is you because you’re the one who has to live with a shitty woman. Should you find one? If you’re in relationship with one and people say Oh, my ex was a narcissist, then leave set boundaries. Get yourself out of situations that aren’t healthy. That’s on you. Yes, she’s shitty. fairpoint mine was too. But I chose to stay. I chose to stay in the beginning when there were red fucking flags galore. Like it was a fucking carnival. But I stayed. I chose I allowed I perpetrated I did that. Now was does that mean that she was in the wrong? Of course it does. But if you allow it, then you are part of the problem. And I know easier said and done. But why this is important is because going forward. You’re not in a marriage. You have the ability to stop ship before it gets too far along. And you can’t do do that if all you’re going to do is point fingers. Because if you don’t know how to set a boundary, or to stand up for yourself, or to notice a red flag when it appears, if you can’t do these things, then it’s on you. So that’s why it’s so important to take the time to learn about you about boundaries about love languages, about attachment styles, so you can stop having shitty relationships, if you’re in a shitty relationship, you’re part of the fucking problem. I was to, I’m not on a high horse here. But when we come in here, and all we do is bitch about women, how are we helping? No, I get that there is a moment in time where that is helpful. But I always think of this place. And its purpose to be two reasons. Number one, is to make sure that men don’t kill themselves. And that man is typically wanting and longing for his ex. Right? And so telling him that all women suck. It’s not very hopeful. I don’t believe I do understand why you’re angry and why I was angry. The fuck sometimes I’m still angry. Mean, but I’m not sure how telling him that all women’s sucks. Thanks. Thanks, Edward. I appreciate that. I really do. Thank you very much. I’m not sure how telling them that all women’s sucks, keeps them keeps them from killing themselves. Where’s the hope in that? If we focus on only the failings of women, and there are feelings, of course, there’s there’s humans, of course, there’s failings of women. We focus on that. How does that help us moving forward? As I said the other day in here, anytime you’re worried about what she’s doing, I want you to ask yourself, what does that have to do with my journey going forward? And if you can’t answer that in a way, that makes some kind of fucking sense, then you’re focused on the wrong thing. Because you can control you and only you and becoming a better human man person, whatever, Father, potentially perhaps partner, is the only thing you have control over. So if I can’t control what my ex is doing, how the fuck am I going to control the entire society of women? And so therefore, I can’t Why the fuck am I worried about it? It’s like me walking around all day going slug. I can’t get to Mars. God damn it. How am I gonna get to Mars? It’s fucking impossible to get to Mars. This is bullshit. I want to get to Mars. What fucking worse does that have in my life? Zero. And the same is true of coming in here and completely and constantly bitching about women. Worry about you, man. That’s the only hope in your life is you? Period. So I want to go back a little bit. And I understand that it perhaps seems like I’m shitting on men. But it’s not the case. I’m a man. I want us to be and do better. And we can’t do that if we’re focused on stupid fucking tick tock videos from some smokin hot chick about how all women suck? Well, she’s a woman. So can’t be all now can it? So but let’s talk about what am I want to talk about? First, you want to talk about cheating first? or domestic violence? Which one? Which one? Which one? Well, because cheating is on top. I’m gonna go with that one. I don’t remember what website I got this from. And it seems like the data is a bit old, as in 2018, I believe. But the information from the site, the data that mind comes from the General Social Survey that was conducted between 2010 and 2016. So I think it was all you know, diced and slice and cut up and whatnot and analyzed and in 2018, and put some reports out. So this, this report says that men are more likely than women to cheat 20% of men 13% of women. Now, I will say that there is some caveat to that. And by the way, if you really want to think about this to 20% isn’t a fucking lot either. So again, not all men suck. Not all women suck. But to say that it’s solely women. You’re just not paying the fuck attention. You don’t want to hear that because it’s easier to hear that women suck and thus it’s not your fault, bro.
You understand what I’m saying? No accountability, no ownership. No being a man if you ask me. So, as I said, there are some discrepancies or differences in when you drill down and look at age groups. So women actually cheat more, according to this survey, between the ages of 18 to 29 11% of women cheat at that age, in that age, demographic and 10% of men so It’s a 1% Bump. As it increases, it flips. So it says a trend data going back to the 1990s suggest that men have always been more likely than women to cheat. Even so older men were no more likely to cheat than their youngest younger peers in the past. And there’s also data about. Of course, yes, they do. Sorry, I’m reading the comment. It matters, their demographics matter about your age group. So when you were born, so so if you’re born earlier, obviously, that 18 to 29. But also, it’s a generational thing where I think cheating is more accepted now than it used to be. And that sucks and whatever. But again, I can’t control everybody, I can only control me. See, between 2002 1009, the highest rate of infidelity shifted to men ages 60 to 69 29% of men aged 60 to 69. Cheated, women aged 50 to 59, jumped to 17%. So if you’re between 60, and 69, you’re more than likely to cheat. Like throughout your life, if you’re in that age, demographic. And for women, it’s 50 to 59, which I find fucking fascinating and slightly weird. Here’s another little tidbit from this General Social Survey. Again, I can’t remember what website I can look it up, but I don’t fucking feel like it. But if you really want to know I can, I can put it in the show notes. Men who cheated are more likely than their female peers to be married among men who have cheated on their spouse 61% are currently married. While 34% of divorces separated, we can’t cheat if you’re divorced or separated. So I don’t know what the fuck that means. Unless that means they’re divorced. And there was someone else and they cheated. I’m not sure. However, only 44% of women who have cheated before currently married. So 61% of men and 44% of women. So again, if you want to talk about facts and figures, or who’s doing what, quite frankly, I don’t give two fucking shits about this data. Because I’m not going to be a cheater. If I’m with a cheater, she’s fucking gone, because I have enough fucking self worth to say. Now here, Jack, you understand what I’m saying? So these numbers don’t really fucking matter to me. But I want to make a fucking point that men are not infallible, we fuck up to. It’s just a displace, has become an echo chamber of how we can bitch about women. But here’s the one that hears it, let’s go on to domestic violence. And this is a more serious one. And if you feel compelled to dive into these facts and figures on your own, and in the end, look at that yourself. I’m sure people will say I’m cherry picking and all that. So let’s talk domestic violence. Because again, this is something that’s, I think, important, and provides context, sometimes the things that occur again, this doesn’t mean all men suck. It doesn’t mean you suck, you might I don’t know. I’m just trying to provide a little fucking clarity to this notion that we’re all getting fucked by women. Nonsense. Some of us, a lot of us in here, in here. So one in four women and one in nine men experienced severe intimate partner physical violence, one in four women, one in nine men. That doesn’t mean that men don’t clearly one and nine is not zero. But it’s clear that according to this, and I don’t remember where this data came from, again, I can provide the information, if you so if you’re so interested, I can definitely provide it. I just did a search and whatever was the first website that came up that seem reputable, but I don’t I don’t remember the the website. One in four women and one in seven men have been victims of severe physical violence. So that is different. I find that interesting, because that is different than partner. That’s just physical violence. So that’s, oh, wait, oh, I’m sorry, by an intimate partner in their lifetime. So what’s the difference between that first one and the second one? I’m not sure. So I don’t know why there are two different numbers. There’s Oh, severe. Okay, well, no, wait. I don’t know. One in four women and one in nine men experienced severe intimate physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and and or intimate partner. Okay, so, so one in nine, it’s more like stalking. It’s more stuff. It’s not just physical violence. It’s sexual violence and it’s stalking. One in seven is just Physical violence. So one in four men are one in four women one in four, one in Jesus Christ, one in four women and one in seven men experience severe physical violence from a partner. The other one is all encompassing. One in say here this one is I find interesting to one in seven women and one an 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner. Now I gotta tell you guys, I see this shit in here a lot. Not necessarily to the extreme of stalking, per se, but I see a lot of guys like, constantly, constantly, I don’t want to be dramatic attend to be dramatic. I see some sometimes I feel like I see a lot of I checked her social media. And now I know that that’s not stalking, but there’s some stalking tendencies there. But again, this is anecdotal shit, I’m not pulling that out. And running with it. Just anecdotal. I see sometimes in here, guys mentioning how they can’t stay away from her social media. Again, that is not stalking in a legal sense. But it’s perhaps could be an indication that that occurs more with men. Now, you could be sitting here and saying there could be five of you in this in this group right now saying boss, you stalked me. Could be and you could be one of those 18 men. It is possible. I just thought it was an interesting fact. Another one, I found that string on a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide, that doesn’t break it down by gender. That’s a lot of fucking people. Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime. seems low. But I mean, I don’t want it to be high. I’m just saying 15% Seems like a low number. But if you’re looking at I don’t know how many different types of cases a year or whatever, 15% of a million. That’s a big fucking number. I don’t know what the number is, though. It probably breaks it down here somewhere, I was just looking for some highlights. women between the ages of 18 to 24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner. So I think that the abuse typically occurs earlier, because some 18 to 24 year olds are fucking large babies walking around in men’s bodies. I know I was. So I’m not surprised by that stat. And I’ll close this topic out. And if you guys have any questions about anything, things are struggling with things of that nature. I know this was sort of an impromptu out of nowhere, I am going to do a shot to celebrate the two years of this podcast, the end of the year, I will do an end of the year wrap up and provide more numbers in terms of followers on the various podcast networks, Apple, Spotify, and Google. And I’ll provide the numbers for this year, and they’re all really fucking awesome. But we’re not quite there yet. So the last stat for all of this. And I think it’s a pretty sobering one says that 72% of all murder, suicides involve an intimate partner 72% of murder, suicides, is a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend type of situation. Here’s the sobering statistic, and why orders of protection are easy to get. And I don’t disagree with that 94% of the victim victims of these murder suicides are female. Now, I don’t know what the bear number is there. I usually like to break things down and say that’s 10 women today who are being killed, and then their partner kills themselves. I don’t know what the number is. But I know whatever it is 94% of it, or the number that it makes up. That being 94% is really fucking high. And I want you to sit just a minute, not a minute, that’d be to go too long. Just take 10 seconds and just think about that. Especially those of you that have daughters or maybe cousins or mothers you have females in your life that aren’t her and imagine that she gets in a shitty relationship and she’s killed and then he kills himself.
Number is not okay. But that number doesn’t mean that all of you are like that are capable of that or will do that or have you ever even considered that? It just goes to my point that sometimes gentlemen men suck some time And we fail spectacularly. And I, for one, don’t want to see that anymore. And so it’d be nice in this group for support for men, if we will be more focused on how to move forward, how to work on ourselves, how to know what our attachment style is, and how to handle that, how to know what our love language is, and how do we express and feel that how to know what our issues are, how to know how to communicate better, so that we can be better men, fathers, eventually partners, and stop this cycle that we see in here. I’m working with a gentleman now I’m not gonna say his name, but he’s on his second divorce. I don’t want anyone to go through this period. And I sure as fuck don’t want anyone to go through it again, for one simple reason. The numbers for male suicide are really fucking high. And when you factor in divorce, they’re not so pretty either. And I’ve said this number many times, and I don’t know that has changed. But 38 Divorce men a day killed themselves. It’s even more. I believe it’s dipped down to 99 or 94 for men in general. Every single day. And we I think we have to ask ourselves, why is it because we’re a bunch of policies. We just recently lost a member who was a veteran of the United States Air Force. Was he a policy? Was he not man enough? Or was he so tied down by the expectations of society, the expectations that sometimes in here are fed to us that you can’t cry. You have to toughen up. And more importantly, you have to hate you have to be angry. You have to be mean. Fuck everybody. Fuck them, women especially. I just don’t think that’s the way for us to go forward. I don’t think that prevents one single fucking suicide. I don’t. And so I was saying earlier, I don’t think I finished my point. The purpose of this group is twofold. One, to make sure that men don’t kill themselves. Particularly obviously men are going through divorce and to to become better because of this unasked for shitty, painful opportunity to grow to be a more whole human to be able to experience but still control our emotions. To to give support and love to people going through the same thing. Anytime you post in here, I want you to ask yourself if you from the beginning of your journey, the one perhaps that was suicidal. I know that I was. If you would want to see that post, if you would think that post would be helpful to you when you were in the beginning of your journey if not, don’t fucking post it. Please, he better inherit gentleman. Now we have some good things happening in here. We have thankful Thursday, which I tried to remember every Thursday to post I’ve been fairly good with it. But listen, pick up the fucking mantle gentlemen. I don’t need to lead every single day in every single way. Family Friday is the thing we tried to start I shouldn’t say tried to start we have started sometimes I forget the posts that pick up the mantle. It’s Friday post the family Friday post. We also were doing Wednesday, which is Mike see started started reached out and asked if he could do that wonderful. Love it. We need more of it. Need to stop bitching and start doing we need to stop complaining start working now. And I think maybe I’ll wrap up with this and see if there’s any questions. I’m not saying that everyone in here is like this. But I posted the other day About stop worrying about what she’s doing. And at one point I looked at that post, I think fairly inspirational, gets you to move forward, get to thinking about different ways of handling this. And it was seen 300 and some odd times, and it had 30 some likes. Now, I don’t know that seen 300 times means that someone stopped and read it 300 times someone you know, 300 different people, maybe they just scroll and Facebook counts that I don’t fucking know. But that’s a awfully low percentage for pretty fucking positive post. And so, are you contributing to the positivity and the growth in this place or not? If all you’re posting, is comments about how much women suck. Either change or go away. Can’t be any clearer. So let me see if there’s any questions, comments, bitches gripes, complaints. Edie? I hope you found the ability to get into the group. Let’s see. You grabbed her old phone and that stalking gonna have to give me some some more context there, Bill. I don’t know what you mean.
Well, thank you, Shawn. I really truly appreciate that you are one of the ones that you’re you’re a template for why this place is here. You’re very distraught. It was I was very concerned as we’re we’re a few people here. We were worried for you and we all took action. I wish that we would keep that spirit every single day. We don’t unfortunately, but and some days are great in here. And I realized that you know we get new people in every single day and you know it we’re pushing I am pushing back back against Oh, echoing through sorry. Let me let me let me let me finish that point. Sorry, I get a squirrel a flood of men who are conditioned to be a certain way and I realized that and it’s my burden to bear but sometimes you know the flood of posts of a certain nature in here drive me fucking crazy. So sometimes it gets the best me going through her old phone looking for old messages is electronic stalking? Well don’t do that then. I mean, there’s nothing to be gained from snooping and looking and trying to confirm what you already know. Your our guts. Tell us I really believe that one of the one of the things that has been essential to my growth and is essential to
all of our growth is listening to your body and listening to your gut is one of them. Oh, Jared, how are you sir? Oh, have you seen see and then you know, I don’t see. You guys can Can I mean, I don’t know if that’s a post I would need to delete perhaps. And I always struggle with this. Like shutting shut down and letting guys talk. I had someone the other day. Say I can’t. I had to let other points of view in here. No, I don’t actually I don’t I run this group. And if I don’t want something in here, it’s not going to be in here. It’s pretty fucking simple. Still Still vertical. That’s, that’s your that’s your standard answer. And I love it. It’s good. It’s good to see it. Jared Jared runs or meetings on Friday nights, I really should probably be better at creating events to remind folks that we have meetings in the discord twice a week. So anyway, let me read your comments here. There’s some people in here I look forward to seeing their live videos the good and the bad I know isn’t always easy to put yourself out there. Oh, you son of a bitch Facebook. There are people paying attention you and gentlemen I touch lives. Well, I think that’s true. For you which podcasts are heard this the underlying emotion of anger is fear. Once I understood that concept, I was able to dive in the complexity of those layers. You have a tremendous library of knowledge. He’s got to do the work. Yeah, well, that’s true. I don’t know honestly, what That might have been the anger one, I did that with my, my old therapist you know, and it’s a weird thing to like, try and leave this place and lead man. And you know, I want to save everybody. I want to fix everybody I want everyone to, to, to be better and to work on themselves. And I don’t know why. I don’t know why why to? I don’t know, why do I talk in? Like watermelon. I don’t know if it’s fucking tastes good. I don’t know, you know what I mean? Like, there’s just certain things that I don’t know why I don’t. I can assure you that if I was doing anything for for anything other than just sheer desire, I would do it differently. Like, I would come in here and tell you all that it’s not your fault. And those are the posts that go viral are the ones that tell you that it’s not your fault, someone else’s fault. So I mean, people like you, Adam and Albert. And those of you that are watching. I mean, there aren’t a lot of you watching right now. And that’s okay. I didn’t. Wasn’t much other announcements. Hi, Scott. But sometimes it is disheartening to in you know, how do I how do I reach more? How do I? And it’s a weird thing, because it’s not an ego thing. It really isn’t. It’s, it’s, it’s not an ego thing. But I wish more people would just listen and listen to the podcast. Like, there’s numbers are awesome. But there are 6000 men in here. I don’t have 6000 downloads a day. Or I was going to wait to the end of the year to talk any kind of numbers, but not because I’m hiding them. I just don’t want to wait to the year but I’ll say that I’ve never had more than 200 260 I think in one day, the average is probably in the 80s I would guess I’m just completely guessing. Obviously, there are spikes when I released a new episode. There was 101 yesterday and I think there’s more than 100 Already today. But I don’t obsess like I used to. But there’s so many men in here. And it’s like how do you hate why why would you not? Like I think that the podcasts and you know, it’s never comfortable for me personally to say things that are positive about what I do. But I think the podcast is a fucking life preserver. And why aren’t people grabbing it? I don’t understand. It’s just put on a fucking pair of headphones and take a walk and listen to anything that any title that like you know, piques your interest? And how many I don’t know what it you know, sometimes I wonder is that Scott to your comment is that I know I forget that some people are probably gonna listen to this and not watch the playback. But you said you have guys that have been here a while that they’ve never never hear the podcast? It you know, I don’t know, either. Facebook algorithms perhaps. I’m not a marketing machine by any stretch of the imagination. So I don’t know. I’m baffled by I don’t know how it works. And and I’m not it’s a weird thing, because I don’t I want people to hear it. But I don’t want to. It’s not about promoting myself. It’s very weird. Oh, that’s, that’s really that’s really tweet out. Thank you. I really appreciate that. I, I I think it is that, you know, God, it is for me, man. I mean, I’m just a dude. And but I’m a curious dude. And I just find smart people and ask them questions. And I do these things. And I get so much like, information and like different ways to think about it or it just helps me. You know, I wish I was a little bit better about promoting it in some kind of way. But I don’t know how to do that. That doesn’t feel weird. You’ve been in a bill and Richard Collins, you’ve been in mindfuck mode for the last year. I’m just getting to the point that I can listen to the podcast. I love you, man. But my mind space is out of whack. Yeah, I’m not. I can’t say I understand that comment, Bill. I’m not I’m not. I’m not attacking you. i i I appreciate the comment. I mean, you You have some headphones and some earbuds, put it in and take it, take it, take a walk and say take a drive. But don’t do that with headphones. Take a walk, I know it’s getting cold. So fuck a walk, but take a drive and put it on. There’s so much knowledge that can be gained from this podcast and I you know, and I know that’s like I’m telling you guys that this thing has helped me. So it will help you. It’s with really smart people to tell you how to deal with these things. It’s information it’s and it’s I think it’s practical. I’m, it’s, I have nobody special man. I try to break it down as simplistically as I can to help me fucking Yeah, I guess I guess I don’t. Again, I’m not bashing it, though. I’m no no, no, no offense is meant to hope you don’t take any it’s certainly not the case. I mean, initially, I suppose. You know, I wouldn’t have had been in the headspace perhaps but I don’t know, man. I was trying anything I could do a lot of it the wrong shit, right drinking. Fucking and just all the wrong shit. But I was trying it, you know? So I just I don’t? Yeah, I don’t understand the
I don’t even know how to describe because I want to be careful because I’m not trying to bash you. I just don’t understand. Here’s something that can help. But I can’t deal with that right now. But I don’t know. Are you? Are you doing okay? No. Maybe try this. I just don’t know. Scott, you said something. Yeah, and I get that listen, attention spans a thing. But there’s a rewind button brother. I don’t mean, I don’t mean that to sound flippant. But I don’t know about you. But when I read, I get to the animal page. I’m like, What the fuck that I just read. And I go back and read it again.
You will get as, as you will, you will heal and improve as much as you put in the effort, and sometimes that means rewinding 30 seconds. So listen to what a neuroscientist just said. That’s the work. That’s the work, amongst other things. That’s the work. So I’m going to do a shot of Jagermeister to commemorate this two year anniversary, I will probably edit this podcast, epic episode. There’s not much editing involved in solo episodes. I think I coughed once or twice in this particular episode. I really don’t fucking care about taking it out at this point. I used to be super anal about that shit, but I ain’t got time to be anal about it to gotta be honest with you. So if you’re hearing my coughs I apologize. I don’t I think I call it once. But maybe I didn’t know. But here’s the bottle by the way. Do you think I’m lying? I was gonna do a shot of fireball because that’s what I did. When I released the first episode, and when I commemorated the first anniversary, but I’m all out of fireball. Hey, John Claude. I think Did you reach out to me today? Somebody reached out to me today and said about editing was that huge on Claude? I know it was Brian. Nevermind. I’ll get back Brian if you’re planning on watching them. All right. Well, listen, if you guys got degi Jared, I appreciate that. i If you guys got something, pour it. I’d love to do this. with you guys as well. I know sometimes that this journey is hard. I thrive on it. I’ve been on it for three years. And you just just got to keep fighting man. Sometimes that fighting means rewinding a podcast and listening to the last 30 seconds because your mind drifted. Sometimes that fighting is crying and telling people that you’re crying and you’re devastated. And sometimes that fighting is making sure you go see a therapist. Sometimes that fighting is doing a live video and talking about shit that you’re ashamed have sometimes that fighting is reading a book. Oh, that’s cool your position. Oh, that’s cool. Oh, well, if I ever got any weird growth, you’re gonna get pictures, bro. So sorry, you just you put it out there. I’m gonna use it. John, how are you, sir? Thank you, sir. I appreciate that. I know, maybe sometimes it seems like I don’t appreciate you guys, but I do. I guess I just want to fix everybody. And sometimes it feels like I’m, I’m not. Or I’m failing, or, again, it’s not an ego thing. But there are 65 or 6600 people in here. And my podcast doesn’t reflect that. And again, it’s not for ego purposes
I know, I know. But I what, I don’t know what that means. I mean, I’m probably need to learn more about I just I teeter on this. Annoying versus persistent. I’ve always felt like I’ve been a good salesman in my career because I’ve teeter that line. And I don’t I don’t want to be annoying. And but I think unfortunately, so. So it will be annoying to you, those of you that are follow me and you get notifications when I go live. And so do you want to be notified like three times a day or whatever. And then that’s going to cause them to maybe get notified the next day, or whatever. So I’m, um, I purchased a class recently about marketing. It’s just like a series of videos and like it’s self directed course or whatever. But it’s, it’s true. I mean, I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. And that’s something I could focus on and figure out how do I do that? How do I how do I get my name out there? I don’t know. I mean, those are always silly, you know, buy ads and that kind of stuff but I don’t know there’s there’s definitely a fear
around you know, I don’t know Yeah, I know. I just That’s my paranoia. So there’s my here’s my challenge right one of my challenges is to navigate all this my comfort I don’t I don’t want to I don’t want to push me I want to help people. Does that make any sense? You know what I mean? I’ll Thanks Jared I appreciate it I really do I mean thank you for helping out now there’s so many of you that that are involved that are supportive and and helped and give back and man fucking Scott and Jared and and Justin all three of you and I’m sure there are others but you three are are your why I do what I do. And I couldn’t do it without you. Honestly. I mean you guys to have you guys run the meeting and meetings and and Scott is a constant positive force in this in this group in particular. He’s such a mad Scott Scott, I told you the other day. I really can’t put into words to be honest with you. I don’t I don’t know how to describe it or how to those of you that Scott and you guys i just i i wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t for you guys. I but never got any feedback. No, I would never I wouldn’t do this at all. I never. Hey, Ryan. Here’s another good one. Ryan Ryan’s a Ryan’s a good guy. Good. See, Ron. I know you can’t do a shot because you’re driving and we’re about to do what? Apparently I’d like to talk and I haven’t gotten to the shop part yet. But I will. John Claude. I know I’ve never talked to anyone about marketing. I mean, no, I haven’t. I’ve never really done ad cuz I did. I ran two ads, I think one on google and one on Facebook, like, pretty early on and a podcast. But I haven’t done ads or anything since. Probably should. But I’ll get a you know, I think it’s one of those things that I’m trying to figure out what am I advertising? You know, part of the problem for me was, I’m doing all these different things. And I need to coalesce it. And I think you’ll see, you’ve seen that lately, I’ve really tried to put everything on the coaching website. And that feels a little funky to me. But like, I’m doing that. So I want to do all and I’m doing all these other things. And so I just put it all there. And so if you go to Rising Phoenix divorce coach, you’ll see links to the discord, you’ll see links to the local groups, you’ll see links to the website, you’ll see links to the podcast. So I’m think I’m getting better at coalescing. Like I used to say all the time, like, I need a hub, like a centralized location to send people and not just to buy coaching program, but like, I’m doing all this other shit to like, you don’t have to spend a fucking dime if you want help. Listen to the podcast that ships free. Now, if you want to send me money, I’ll happily take it because sometimes shit gets expensive. Like, as the new year rolls around, I gotta read up on all of the software and shit that I use Zoom is I gotta pay for that. Otter, which does the transcripts, I gotta pay for that. Different counsel, I gotta pay for oh, my, the editing software, I gotta pay for that. So it’s, there’s always some shit that comes up to that or forget about it. But anyway, listen, I’m talking. And as much as I’d like to talk, I also want to celebrate. So I thank all of you, sincerely, I hope more of you get involved and stay involved. I see way too many men disappear. And I really wish that wouldn’t happen. If nothing else, hopefully the local groups will start to grow and people can stay. engaged in that way. Oh, fuck yeah. Both of you. So John Claude, what? I don’t know what that means where you would put ads, but I’m interested in anything any information I can get. Anyway, John, anyone anytime you want to reach out and give me any pointers or anything that goes anybody, you know, feel free to reach out. I again, I thank you all. I think I will do this again with with Justin. We just haven’t been able to work it out in terms of scheduling. And I’m sure that we will. It’s just a matter of time. So here’s the you. There’s two, two shares of Rising Phoenix podcast. Cheers.
Haven’t done a shot at Jaeger in quite a long time. You’re welcome, Bill. Thank you. Again, if I got zero feedback, I wouldn’t I wouldn’t do this. You know. Nice Guy, you take care of yourself. And you all do the same. Local groups are being created. Do me a favor and is join them. If you’re not ready to lead a local group don’t. I’ve had too many men say that they want to lead. And then they step away for varying reasons and that’s fine. Why I don’t want that is one it is a little frustrating, to more importantly, when you commit to something that you can’t do. You build shame within yourself. So don’t volunteer to help. And then knowing that you really can’t or or or you know, you really want to. But if you absolutely can’t, you’re going to build shame within yourself. Because you’re gonna be like, Oh, I can’t do it. I’m so sorry. I’m such a piece of shit. No, no, no, no, stop that nonsense. If you’re not ready to lead. Don’t that’s okay. Just stay in the groups, talk amongst one another and try and get together. I need leaders for these local groups. But that will come. I have to have patience to do That’s awesome, Jared. And there’s more there is I’m, again, a lot I’m trying to do, and can’t do it all, in one fell swoop. But I’m also I’m a stubborn son of a bitch. And I don’t really like given up. So I’ll try things and things will work and things won’t. And it’s going to take time, and different efforts doing different things. But we were going to build a place for men going through divorce, that will ensure that men going through this are not alone. So if you can help in that, please do. If you can’t, at least just join the groups and give and participate when you’re able. So I think that’s all I got. I don’t think there’s anything else I want to cover. I will edit and put this out. I guess in totality, I don’t feel like editing it. And I’m sure there’s some stuff in here that people will won’t be able to understand. Because they’re not seeing all the comments, but I encourage you to go on YouTube, and you can watch it there eventually. So that is all I got. Thank you very much all of you for attending. If you need help, at any point, please don’t hesitate to reach out, you can go to the website, rising penis divorce coach, if you have any interest in the program, I’ve created the few fellas in here that have gone through it and, and or going through it. I do think it’s a good fucking program and it does help. But if you’re not interested in that, you can also find links to the discord to the podcast, to local groups and to the divorce men’s Network website, which has a whole host of shit, including some of the things that I previously mentioned. So that’s it. I’m out. Much love. Take care. Thank you so much for watching and or listening. Thank you to Nick coil and lifer for allowing me to use their song born again, which you’re hearing now and at the intro to the podcast. Thank you to Justin Dillahunty and all of my brothers at the Alpha code. Please visit the website Rising Phoenix podcast.com to connect with me and other like minded men who are looking to thrive and grow after their divorce. And remember to surround yourself with people who add value to your life who challenge you to be greater than you were yesterday to sprinkle magic into your existence like you do to theirs. Life is not meant to be done alone. Find your tribe. Take care
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