This is a transcription of Episode 93. The transcription was done by software, apologies for anything that seems out of whack. A link to the episode is below.
Hello, and welcome to the show. This is episode 93. I, sometimes I get taken aback by how many of these things I’ve done 93 Rock. So this is a solo one, I’m going to cover a couple of things. I’m not sure when I’m going to call this one. I’m recording it on January 18, Wednesday evening at 7:30pm. So it’ll probably be out within a couple of hours, I would think I just wanted to cover a couple of things give an update. This is sort of a State of the Union, perhaps. I’m not sure if that’s accurate. But maybe that’s the working title. First and foremost, I am just getting over COVID. My first run with COVID. And I don’t recommend it at all. It sucks. I’m still a little congested, congested. And so I have a bit of a cough. Hopefully I won’t call too much. During this, I haven’t really felt much like editing too deeply lately. So hopefully I don’t have to call. I don’t have to edit too much, because I won’t call off. But so let’s, let’s cover a few things that I want, I want to go back to a couple of episodes and cover just just a couple of things that I feel like I’ve missed. And when I do solo episodes, I typically I just get a topic in mind, and I run with it. And I usually wait for that’s why sometimes our gaps if I don’t have anything recorded, I’m not going to force an episode. So there will be gaps in episodes. Also COVID threw me for a loop. But I usually wait until I have something that I really something that’s on my heart that that I really want to talk about. So when I do that I don’t I don’t really plan it out. And so sometimes I get done, and I listened to it during editing and I go off and I should have said this or that or whatever. And so I want to cover just a few things to sort of backfill I guess, if you will. So the first thing is the Who am I now episode? And I covered that? Because they’re there that’s a that’s a big question. When you go through this process, your identity is destroyed, and you don’t know who you are. And one thing I didn’t say that I I do say frequently. And I don’t know why, but I missed it in that episode is the answer to that question. Who am I now? Is whoever the fuck you want to be? And I love that phrase or answer to that question. And I just forgot it. So if you’re listening to that episode, and you ask yourself that question, and I’m sure you probably have I’m sure you probably are, the answer is whatever the fuck you want to be. So I just wanted to cover that because I think it’s an important distinction. It’s up to you. The other thing I wanted to talk about is the story, the episode on on, how could you do this, I think is what I call it. And and like I said, I got that from largely from the book Rising Strong by from Sheesh. COVID is still affecting things, my ability to speak at one of them from the book, Rising Strong by Brene Brown, but also narrative therapy is centered around that. Once a theme, but that idea that our lives are told in stories, and therefore when things change, our stories change. So one of the one of the things I didn’t cover in that, when I’m sure came there were questions in my mind is the why. You know, we talked about when I talked about Lance Armstrong, his story changed because of his actions. And you might have been thinking but I didn’t do anything. And that’s probably true, mostly true. But unfortunately, we don’t know the answer to why her story changed. And here’s the crazy or shitty part is she probably doesn’t know either. It could be that there was an accumulation of stuff over the years that she finally that finally caused her to change her story in her view. I don’t know how likely that is. And that’s the tricky part. That’s the part that’s can be frustrating, and can cause you to ruminate is we can’t answer that question. We don’t know why their story changed. And I am willing to bet. I don’t know how much but small amount perhaps, but they don’t know either. Because I think they, they, they change due to emotions, and their emotions caused them to change how they see things. And so therefore, it’s feeling and it’s not logic. So I think it’s important to recognize that you’re not going to ever more than likely, you’re never going to find the answer to why did her story change. And I know, that’s frustrating, you know, because when you’re looking at it, and you’re thinking, but I didn’t do anything different that I was the way that I was, or what was frustrating for me was, she was bringing up stuff from years and years ago. And I just thought, but that was so long, that’s not that’s not even who I am. Now, like, that’s thought we had dealt with that or, but that’s what they needed to, to fuel, their, their story, they needed these things to, to validate their story change, they see you differently the story of the changes they need, they need some kind of fuel, and they would find anything they could or at least in my case. So it’s an unfortunate and frustrating component. But once you kind of come to, to acceptance or grips with the fact that you’re never going to be answered, be able to answer the why then you can let go, because finding an answer is just not possible. So I wanted to cover that. And you know, I understand the frustration of it all. I sometimes don’t understand it, I never probably will fully understand it. But I don’t try to anymore. And I’ll get to some things that have occurred lately in my life. But yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s an unfortunate part of this stuff, is that we want that closure, essentially. But we’re not going to get it in that manner. And one of the best I can’t remember the quote word for word, I can’t even remember the I can remember the gist of it. And it’s in John Kim’s book single on purpose. And it’s not hit him. He used it. It’s a quote from someone else that he uses. And it’s essentially it says that closure begins the moment when you stop looking back at what could have been, and start looking forward to what could be. So it’s not about figuring out why it’s about letting go the past and moving on to the future. And again, I know that’s really hard. But it’s not impossible. And it’s the only path forward for your mental health. So if you find your self after you listen to that episode, or during yelling at it and going but but I didn’t do anything Lance Armstrong story changed because of his actions. I didn’t do anything different. I was the same guy I’ve always been. And that could be true and is more than likely probably true. But it didn’t matter to her. For some reason it changed. It could be and there are things you could speculate until the cows come home, right? Midlife crisis, some somebody else in her ear. co workers even it’s not always another dude. Although that’s, you know, I don’t know the percentage, but a large part of the stories, there’s always seems to always be a guy. But I don’t. There’s no study, there’s no data. So I don’t know that for sure. I would say that for me. It was a part of it. But it wasn’t the totality of it. And and perhaps what happens is a seed gets planted by another guy an idea attention in a different way that causes that story to change. I don’t know again, it’s it’s really honestly a giant fucking waste of time to try and figure out so if you find yourself, you know, frustrated, I get it. But it’s, it’s unfortunate. We just, we’ll just never know. So anyway, I want to move on to something else, something I’m really excited about. So, Mr. Christopher long, and I had been talking for a long time about doing shows together and recording episodes on various topics on sort of the initial thought and how we’re going to head into this is we’re going to review certain episodes and talk about them. That’s all we’re going to do. We’re either going to call it the discourse with Chris and Mike or rendered by fire. I like both of those. And you can send me a message or comment somewhere or something
That’s the what you like, or maybe you don’t like either. And I don’t know, it’s really not that big of a deal. But I mean, in terms of what they call it, but essentially, it’d be Chris and I sitting down and talking about various topics, from, from his veteran sort of point of view, being divorced now for, I think it’s 20 years, now we can, you can correct me in our first episode. And then my, my, my side of it, my view, and I’m really excited about it. So here’s the thing about it, it’s only going to be on YouTube, it’s not, it’s still associated with this podcast, it’ll, I don’t know how it will be named Exactly. But somehow Rising Phoenix will be in there somehow, I think or some way I’m not sure. That’s why I like to render by fire. And it also speaks to my coaching program, which is called forged by fire. So. But I also like to discourse, I don’t know. But But either way, it’s like I said, it’s only going to be on YouTube. And for the first week, it’s only going to be to the Phoenix warriors. And I have been severely lacking on providing my phoenix warriors with texts that I’m supposed to be sending. And I just, I don’t have the bandwidth to do it anymore. To be quite honest with you, the coaching business is actually starting to pick up and we’ll get to that. And it’s very exciting. And so I’m going to replace that I’m still probably going to keep the texting and still send out stuff here and there. Certainly links to the shows will probably probably be sent out the attacks, but it’ll certainly be posted in the Warriors section of the discord, but it’s going to only be on YouTube, and I’m doing that I’m be transparent with you. I’m getting a lot of listens for the podcast, and I’m very grateful for that. But I, I it’s harder to get paid via the podcast than it would be if if it was on YouTube, just because of I mean, I still need 1000 subscribers and I’m nowhere near that on YouTube. So I’m so I’m pushing people to YouTube, the podcast audio of Rising Phoenix podcast not going away, it’s still going to be also be on YouTube, it will be both but the audio portion will not go away, it’s it will still be free. It will always be free. I can’t imagine a scenario where it isn’t. But the the first week of release of these Christian Christian like episodes, whatever we’re going to call it will be available to the Warriors only and only on YouTube. So if you’re listening to this, the audio and you’re not subscribed to the YouTube channel, please go ahead and do that, I would appreciate it. Again, I’m, I try to be transparent in general in life, and I’m, I want to do this shit for a living. And one of the ways to do that is to monetize it via Youtube, and it still would be free. It just the ad revenue would go, you know, if we if I get to the certain number of subscribers, I’m actually actually not sure on this COVID affecting my ability to talk, I’m actually not actually 100% sure how it works on YouTube only in that I or only that I know, that takes 1000 subscribers before he can be before he can monetize. So followers of the audio portion of the podcast via the big three which is Apple iTunes, which is where the most of my listens come from Spotify, which is second for me. And then Google podcast, which is third. There are other podcasts and perhaps you’re listening through another service that you follow me on. I can’t get numbers for those services in terms of followers. I know there’s like Deezer, podcasts Republic, there’s all there’s a few different smaller ones that people use. I can see the people listen via those apps or programs but I can’t I don’t that doesn’t provide or at least I haven’t been able to find any follower info. But the big three combined as I sit here right now, I have 840 followers, so not going to do a whole episode on that but I did want to touch on it and just say Holy fucking shit. That’s a that’s a lot of people. And I’m grateful. I know that there are people out there that have you know, 1000s and hundreds of 1000s and millions of followers and subscribers but as I say sometimes I’m just a dude in his basement in Pennsylvania. So I appreciate all of you so very, very much. And I think that I am a call Pushing, what was my initial goal? Which is to I don’t think I know I am, I’m providing a resource to you guys to help you get through divorce. And on that note, this is not written in my notes. I’m curious as to Spotify. I think Spotify gives me demographic info. And I believe there’s only 5% of you that are listening, at least via Spotify that are females. If you’re a female listener, I would love to hear from you. I’m not trying to date you. Although, I mean, I am single. I am just curious. How did you find it? What are you? Are you getting anything out of it? What do you Yeah, I would just love feedback from from I have one iTunes review from a female I don’t even know who person is. So weird that I wished her a little bit more reaching out. And I get some interaction from your from from guys in the discord server from guys in the Facebook group. But I would love more feedback, honestly. I think it’s really cool to, to hear from from you that those of you that listen, and especially, I should say especially but I’m much more curious, I guess, about the female’s perspective of the show? And if Yeah, do you have any comments or anything? I’d love to hear from you. If you know the show, because we dated you don’t have to reach out. It’s okay. That’s all I’ll say on that. So let’s, let’s move on. And let’s talk about my story. I want to touch on, you know, the episode one I am, you know, I’m pretty candid and open and honest. Right? I think it takes some significant guts to be that way. And it. As I know, as I say shame doesn’t survive sunlight, the things that I did with my now ex wife, and I’ll get to that, I guess there’s a spoiler there that I was ashamed of. And I think in some ways I still am. But when you expose things, when you bring them to light, it kills the shame. So but it’s it, I want to talk about why I did it in one is three reasons I if I, if I remember them all correctly. The first is, I did want to be authentic, and be real. And I think that that’s the best way to be in life in general. And I think if I am going to, if you’re going to look at me as a resource, I think you would be much more inclined to do so if you thought I was real and authentic. Because that’s the people that I have followed throughout my life are always people that I feel are real and authentic John Kim, Gary Vaynerchuk, Howard Stern actually used to be a huge Howard fan. I don’t listen to him anymore, just because of the fact that he’s on Sirius and I just got tired of paying for it for essentially what was just his show, and not being on that often. I don’t know what his schedule is now or what doesn’t know what he’s doing. I always thought he was a great interviewer. And I thought it came from his ability to be just open and honest. So that was sort of number one. Number two was to kill the shame to be like, Yeah, fuck it. I did these things. Here it is. You can’t you can’t hurt me. You can’t use it. If I put it out there. I mean, you could try but and people have by the way, but it can’t it doesn’t it’s there’s no shame in it. I put it out there. So I mean there’s still some small residual sometimes when I think about it more so that there are people that know and that can use it against me but I mean if that’s if you’re a shitty person, you’re gonna find things to use against me. And so like I said, it does happen but it doesn’t affect me like it used to. And lastly, the reason I did it it was because she used to say frequently, you’re ashamed of it and I’m not. And so Fuck you then. Okay world guess what we used to do? And so I’m not anymore. Yes, I liked to watch people fuck my wife. I didn’t do it. In the corner using my tears as lube. I wasn’t shamed during it. It wasn’t like a you know, a I guess cuckold. Really. It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like putting me down wasn’t degrading to me. I was more like a direct Are, honestly.
And so I just, I felt like part of me felt like okay, you think I’m ashamed? Well, here you go. And that leads me to a question that I do get asked. Do you think she listens? I don’t know. She’s certainly aware of it. I think she does. But I don’t know for sure. I think sometimes very, very rarely. I do episodes. Actually, it’s been a very long time. But there were a few in the beginning that I probably did. Not hoping I will maybe hoping I don’t know, but in some way hoping she would. She is listening. But I do not know, I suspect. How could you not especially early on. She had to be curious. Wouldn’t you be so? I don’t know for sure. My children are aware, but they don’t listen, obviously. But I, I know that. Before my first episode launched on Instagram, I got a notification once that she liked a photo and it was a photo of me editing episode one. And then she unliked it but I don’t know why she did it. To get attention, perhaps or to maybe intimidate Navy? I don’t think so I don’t know. Who knows I again, trying to figure out motivations of folks is a waste of fucking time. So I don’t know. But I know that she has also told my oldest that you will, you are not going to listen to that. So she must know that I talk about our sex life. So. And some some folks have asked, Well, what do you think you’re, you’re one of your kids do? Listen, the truth always comes out. No matter what if it’s on a podcast, or if a family member knows certain things, it always comes out. And so again, Shame does not survive sunlight. I’m not ashamed of being who I am. We were consenting adults and having fun. And so I’m not necessarily proud, I’m not going to wear a t shirt about it. But I’m not ashamed either. And so the kids someday hear this, then, at least they’ll have what I would say is mostly the truth. I mean, obviously, there’s my bias and spin, but I try to be factual. So if they happen to hear it, so be it, it’s going to come out in some form or fashion anyway. So lastly, I guess, at least I think lastly, I cannot say I can say I can say now that I am officially divorced. And you know, it’s it’s, it’s interesting, I found out last night, because she messaged me looking for her money, the settlement from the divorce and I was like, Well, is it approved? And she’s like, yep, here’s a link to the website for the the, the county website and you can search and see. And sure enough, yeah, it was. It was entered into the courts on the sixth and granted on the ninth. So I found out because she wants some money, which is and it’s funny, because what’s not funny, it’s well, I mean, you have to laugh at it. But she needs in this is this is the kind of person she has turned into. She needs the money to pay her lawyers. And I laugh because it’s so perverse. So I’m I’m taking money, I’m gonna have to pull it out of my retirement account and give it to her. And of course, she wants the check now I’m like, well, I’ll get it when I get it. Like it’s not a simple process. But she, she, she needs to tell me that that’s what it’s for. And so there’s this perverse thing where it’s like, I have to take money out of my retirement account to give to her so she can pay her lawyer that she got to divorce me. It’s just, it’s so fucked up in so many ways, but there’s nothing I can do about that. It is what it is. Right? That’s a phrase I’ve kind of leaning on. I think a lot of us lean on right it is what it is What can I do? It is perverse in some ways. You know, it’s just kind of disgusting. Like I have to pay you to just I have to pay you so you can pay lawyers that destroyed my life. destroyed my family. It’s you know, when I say life isn’t fair boy, it ain’t fucking line whoever they are. It ain’t fair. It isn’t fair. But I have no choice in the matter. So I’m moving funds around and trying to get everything set to to pay her The money that I have to pay her. And that’s it’s interesting that she tells me why she needs the money. I think it’s a little bit of a dig, you know? At least it’s feels that way. But But I don’t know, maybe she’s just being honest and transparent. And and that’s just she just wants to be factual. I don’t know, it seems like kind of like a turning of the knife, so to speak, you know, salt in the wound, whatever phrase you want to use. But it seems that way. And it seems like that’s kind of how she is lately. I think she? And by the way, if she is listening, I would in some, in some ways, I would be interested to know, for sure. But again, it’s a waste of time, and I’m not having the conversation. So. But I sometimes I don’t communicate with her very much. I think most of you know that. I don’t speak to her in person anyhow. Very, very rarely. I think she would like that. I think she is lonely. It’s all speculation. I don’t know. I know dating has not been successful her for her, nor for I obviously, I’m still single. And so I think that she is probably lonely. And I think that she would probably prefer some interaction with me. No, I’m not saying that. I’m not I’m not sure what that means, or I don’t think that she sit around sits around missing me. She might I don’t know, I have no, no idea. wouldn’t matter if she did. But I do think she would prefer some interaction. And I think sometimes she does things to get interaction and I just don’t give it I just don’t have any interest, it would be much better, my life would be much better. If I never had to communicate with her again, it would be it would be a lot easier. As I’m sure most of you know, this, this is the difficulty in this whole process or shit show, whatever you want to call it is that you don’t you don’t just get rejected, and you don’t just get your life and family and identity destroyed by someone. But you also still have to interact with that person in a way that where you you have to grin and bear it. It’s really fucking hard. Because it would be easier if I just didn’t have to deal with her because I wouldn’t have to be reminded of, oh, this is what this is what can go through your mind, oh, I’m not good enough for this person. And I still have to be nice to them. And it’s just it’s hard. It’s incredibly hard. I would be a okay. If I never, ever had to talk to her again. I really would be it would make this a lot easier. But speaking of easier, and, and hard, you know, the question is, I suppose How am I doing? How am I feeling about it all? And it’s funny, because I talked to Chris this morning. And I said, you know, I texted him? Well, it’s official, and he called me right away, which God bless that man I love so very much. And he said, I’m gonna say two things, too. Because I’ve been there where you’re where you are. He said, I’m going to say congratulations. And I’m gonna say I am so very sorry. And man that he hit it right on the head, because that’s where I’m at. And it depends on the moment now. So the will put the congratulations portion to decide. Let’s talk about the I am so sorry, portion. I am so sorry, of course, it means that there was a loss that there was a sadness and there is there is a sadness, I am sad, this is not what I wanted. This is not my choice. I don’t think ultimately, this is for the best for our children. I do not look at the stats. I’ve seen the effects on the children. And here’s the thing about that. And I won’t I won’t stray too much that we don’t know how this is going to affect them. Because this is really going to affect them as they get older and they get into their own relationships. And what kind of insecurities and problems is this going to throw into their already difficult,
dynamic or already difficult task of navigating relationship. You’re providing them with a poor template. I mean, even if you go back to even episode 12 and joy pond rally, he talks about that he’s a child of divorce and he talks about we don’t have a template we don’t have a map. I can’t remember his nomenclature. I think he’s and map, I think roadmapping we don’t have a roadmap for what it looks like for what a healthy relationship and marriage looks like. And so they’re at a disadvantage. And so therefore, it’s not good for them, I don’t think and but I don’t think it bears out until later on in their life. I don’t. And so I think some people, oh, kids are resilient, which makes me want to punch people when people say that bullshit, like as if they have any other fucking choice. So I, it wasn’t my choice. I don’t think it’s a good thing. But here it is. And so I have a choice now. Now, I think it’s important to sit with that sadness, I think it’s important to acknowledge it and say, Yes, this is sad, it is sad. I did not get married to get divorced. I did not know what no one does. I did love her. I did want to make it work I did, I would have done anything to make it work, I would have worked on it. And that’s the thing that sometimes does sort of throw me for a loop. When I think about how I was as a husband and partner throughout the marriage, and the relationship. I was shitty for the first six, seven years, maybe five to seven years, five to six years, I’m not sure for a good chunk. In the beginning, I was not a good partner, I was a piece of shit and a lot of ways. But man that I learned, I learned from my mistakes, I got better, I got more attentive, I got more. You know, I made mistakes, though I’m a human. But that’s the thing. Sometimes I think about what I got, I became a better partner. And but she left as I got better. And I’m not talking about like, I flashed some things here. And in terms of like, oh, I, you know, I got a little better. And then I know I progressively I’m a guy kind of guy who, for whatever reason, and I’m there’s childhood things there, I’m sure. But I’m always interested in trying to be better. Now I fail at it. I’m a human. But I’m always interested in trying to be better I was in therapy, I was reading books, I was doing the things I’m doing now, just not to the degree that I tackled them afterwards. But I was always getting better in some kind of way. Now, sometimes I was probably taking steps backwards, for sure. But that’s sometimes something that throws me and the thing is, and this is sort of a rabbit hole here. But when I think about all of this and where it headed and what happened and I think about my role in it and her role in it, I think about the effects and what it’s done. I know this much. I know that while I was half responsible for the demise, or half responsible for I shouldn’t say that half responsible for the problems, right? I I know that my mistakes were because not because I’m a shitty person, and I want you to listen to this, I want you to use this to be very clear to you. It’s not because we were shitty people. It’s because we didn’t have the best skills, we made mistakes. It was because we’re fucking human. And here’s the part that sometimes brings me solace. And again, I want this to be very clear to you. In the next relationship that your ex gets in, there will be problems, there will be issues, because it will involve two humans trying to navigate a relationship together. And that is fucking hard. And so you’re not the sole reason. You may have fucked up. No, you did fuck up. We all do. But so the next one and the next one and the next one. And you know, the difference between us and them is we didn’t run. We didn’t bury our head in the sand. We didn’t give up. We didn’t quit. They are quitters. We are not. And so I take solace in that sometimes because she’s gonna have and she’s had, by the way other relationships and they didn’t last why is that? Well, it doesn’t have anything to do with me because I wasn’t fucking involved. And so did I have issues and flaws and like fuck up? Yeah, we all do. It’s not about how good a person is. I mean, obviously there are some things that you can do that are you know, way outside of the norm and but I’m talking about just normal human fucking up happens. So it’s not about the abilities not fuck up. It’s the about the ability to work together, when any one of us fucks up in the relationship. And so what have they learned in this process? And again, I want I want to be very fucking clear about this. They have learned nothing. They have learned how to run the fuck away. And I hope and pray to whoever it is that you look to as a deity, that you are taking this opportunity to work on yours. Tell so that we don’t have these relationship failings again, at least to the best of our ability. We’re doing things to make sure that these things don’t happen again. And what are they doing? What did they do? They fucking ran. They didn’t do anything to help themselves, their children, or anyone else in their lives to be quite frank with you, because they can’t be happy. Because here’s why. Because their happiness to them comes from someone else. I’m not happiness relationship, and must be you may have some issues, but they’re fixable. Anything, it’s fixable. But they didn’t learn that lesson, they learned that if it’s too hard, or if it’s not making them feel a certain way, and there’s obviously truth to you know, it has to be a good relationship you have to have, you have to have to feel good about it, you have to be certain compatible in certain ways. But when you’re talking about marriage, and you’re together for 1015 2025 35 years, that that goes out the fucking window, because you spent that long period of time together, right? So it’s not like it’s like, oh, I just realized after dating for a little while that we’re we’re not going to work out. No, you were together for years. And so while there were problems, that maybe they weren’t dealt with, they in totality, but they’ve gotten over and through, and maybe not the best way. And you could have done better for sure. But the point is, is they eventually just gave up and learn nothing through this process. And so if you’re out there, and you’re struggling, take solace in that, that you have an opportunity to work on yourself to be a better man. Don’t fucking throw it away by just going and dating immediately or being bitter and angry all the fucking time. It’s just a waste use this opportunity be better than them? And maybe that’s the wrong way to look at it. I don’t know. But if it, it’s not for me, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy to think that. It’s not that I was a shitty husband. I did some shitty things here and there, for sure. I was a good husband. I think I made mistakes for sure. But I was a provider. Right? I have good. I’ve always had decent jobs. They got better as the years went on again, progress, man. Before I think it was before we were married. I was making $57,000 a year now I’m way past that. And even during the marriage I’ve made Wait, you know, I always climbed the ladder. And so I provided you know, we took vacations, we took cruises we we had a good life. financially. She wasn’t beaten, you know, she wasn’t at least I don’t think treated poorly. I’m not saying I never fucked up. I certainly did. But she had a good life. And she didn’t she she chose to leave it. And to me that will forever and always make her a quitter. And I can at least say we can at least say that we’re not quitters. We can give up we have fortitude, right, we have the ability to hang on. And to try and fix things we didn’t give up. And so as we go forward in this process, and we work on ourselves, we have the ability to be even better, and then thus attract even better, more healthy people, people that are able to have difficult discussions and deal with issues as they come up. That’s what’s important. It’s the ability to issues are going to come we are going to hurt them and they are going to hurt us how is it dealt with has to be dealt with. And you have to have those skills now you have an opportunity to gain those. So that was a giant fucking rabbit hole. So anyway, let me shift back to the other portion of what Chris said, which is congratulations. And so now here’s where mindfulness and some of the things I teach about how to look at the world essentially comes into play, you have the ability to determine your thoughts and your thoughts determine your life. And so while you got to honor all of your thoughts, maybe that’s not quite right. You at least have to be mindful and recognize them and then figure out which ones you want to
focus on or honor or whatever but I so I’m going to honor and I have honor my sadness. I was pretty sad this evening. I once did some driving and stuff but but here’s the thing. I that that other portion that Chris said congratulations. That is true. It’s been three and a half years and I am finally done with it. She can no longer hold it over my head. Did she can no longer delay things in my life like this is done, it’s done. It’s over. I made it to the end. There’s a finality here. She can’t divorce me again. Congratulations, you’ve made it. And it’s so it’s not about it’s not congratulations in the sense that I’m glad it happened. It’s congratulations, in a sense that it’s over. And you did it. And you know, you didn’t lose everything in the process. You lost some things, lost some things for sure. My family and all fuck ton of money, but I did not lose myself. And in some ways, I fuckin found myself for sure I am absolutely positively a better man than I was when I started this process. 100 Fucking percent. And so someday, not today. I’m going to look back and I’m going to I think I’m going to thank her for this. I do believe that. I don’t think that that’s going to be today, but not not. It’s definitely not going to be today. I don’t think it’ll be tomorrow. I don’t know when it will be. It will probably be in a few years. Four or 510? Maybe I don’t know. But I have found myself in this process. And I should say I’m finding myself it’s still a process. But I wouldn’t have dove into it. I wouldn’t have learned the things I’ve learned I wouldn’t have done the things I fucking have done. If it wouldn’t have been for this, if wouldn’t have been for her decision. So not only did she quit not only is she a quitter, not only does she not have the ability and the fortitude to see things through. I also in that process gained and have become a better man. And so congratulations is a fucking propriate and I will be celebrating in some form or fashion. I don’t know how I’m pretty sure the old Mike is going to come out of me and the old Mike is gonna throw a big fucking party and I don’t know when or where it might be to parties because I might do something smaller now. During the winter, you know indoors smaller and then come spring summer. I have a pretty big yard almost an acre might throw a big fucking party and and celebrate it because it? Yes, I am sorry. It is sad. But congratulations, because you’re a fucking warrior. And you endured, and you can’t be divorced again, obviously, if I get married again. But I don’t know if that’s ever gonna fucking happen. But not with her for sure. And so she can’t ever divorce me again. It’s over. It’s done. She can’t hanging over my head. There’s no negotiation tactics, there’s no bullshit that I have to deal with. That’s it. It’s done. I mean, it got a little bit more bullshit in terms of the money and transfers and paperwork and all that shit. But essentially, it’s over. It’s done. She can’t hang it over my head. She can’t divorce me again. So it congratulations isn’t appropriate expression. But be mindful that it’s not the only expression there is a sadness there always will be it will lessen will hit at different times. And, and I have done this, like I said this evening was sad, sad, not curled up in a ball crying just said it’s a shame. It’s too bad. It’s unfortunate. But it also led me to this and what I’m doing. And I want to wrap up with with this on that note, what what am I doing? I am fucking psyched. And happy to say that, as I said in my coaching episode, that was gonna have five slots open for $500. And there’s only one slot left. And it’s pretty fucking awesome. I’ve, I’ve been gifted with these amazing men that have joined my program and that I’m working with and it’s it’s what I’m meant to do. I believe that. And again, if she wouldn’t have been such a coward, and a quitter, I wouldn’t be here. So, in some ways, I have to thank her not not yet. I’m not ready to say that. Because it’s been so, so hard. But someday I think I will reflect and say, I don’t think I’ll ever say that to her. And if she’s listening. She’ll hear this, obviously, but I don’t think I’ll ever say it to her face. But if it wasn’t for her cowardice, if it wasn’t for her inability to do anything other than quit and run, I wouldn’t be able to help the men that I’m helping and it’s pretty fucking amazing. So I think that’s it. That’s all I got. If you’re interested in working with me, you can hit my website rising Pink’s divorce coach.com. I have a couple of episodes Is that um, we’re going to be recording soon. I’m recording a one with a I believe she’s a psychologist. I had to pre interview and we’re going to talk about negative thought loops. Super excited about that one. And I reached out to the wonderful, amazing Dr. MC McDonald, because she has a book coming out soon in March. And I’ll have the details. But I’m going to have her back on the show. And there are few people in this world that I admire and respect as much as her so I am so super excited to get her back on the show. So that’s coming up. I don’t know when she just said yeah, let’s do it. But we haven’t booked the time yet. So I don’t know couple of weeks ish. I don’t know if she wants to wait closer to book release date or not. I will for sure. Let you know or you’ll just see the episode. So again, thank you all so much for listening and for being a part of this and and please reach out if if you want to be on the pod if you want to do a real Real Men Real stories if if you have comments or questions or you want help with anything at all, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I would love to hear from you. Thank you to those of you that have reached out. It’s been really humbling and amazing. And I’m not done yet. We we have so many more things to cover and so many more things that I want to discuss and so many more people I am I’m gonna wrap up this headline that says in wrap up flexing this year, I’m I’m really going to probably start bringing some guests back. It’s harder, it’s getting harder and harder to find new folks, but I have made it a mission in life to to get Mr. Corey Taylor of slipknot on the podcast because he has been divorced twice. And I’ve made some contacts with some folks that know Cory and I’m trying to see if I can get them on. I am stubborn, so I will not quit. I want Corey Taylor on my podcast because I want for a lot of reasons not not just for you know, oh my god is Corey Taylor. Everybody can listen to this. Although let’s be honest, that’s probably part of it. But that song snuff by Slipknot, and I’m sure many of you fellows out there know it. That was a crutch or a life preserver for me. Many many moments during the initial stages that song is what was fucking written for us that are going through an unwanted divorce. That song means so much to me. And I want to tell Cory that, you know, not I mean, face to face will be cool, but at least via zoom. So it by the end of the year if I don’t have Corey Taylor on this podcast, I’m gonna feel like a failure. So like I said, I am working with some folks and trying to I’ve contacted some folks had some conversations with some folks, but if anyone out there knows anyone that knows anything about anyone that knows anything about Corey Taylor, please reach out to me. So that is my new one of my new missions in life. So stay tuned for the information. You know, in the next few weeks about the Chris show, and like I said, the Dr. MC McDonald show as well. That’s it. That’s all I got. I hope you are well. If not, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Take care and much love.
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