Hi, I’m a divorced man as of this year. That’s something I never imagined I’d have to type in my life. Of course no one goes into marriage thinking that but even up until she told me one morning in March before work that she was moving out I was still shocked. We weren’t perfect but I had no idea.
I was married for 7 years and together for 10 years. We did not have kids. It turns out she had been seeing a therapist for a year and I was unaware. She thought it was best to move out and I didn’t have much to say about it. I did what you will hear a lot of men do. I tried to reason, I tried to bargain, and then finally I begged for her not to go. It stopped nothing and only made me feel worse and more unworthy of love.
She was truly my best friend. We did everything together and were never apart. I later learned this is called codependency. We were the couple on facebook everyone was jealous of. Always out in some new part of the country or out experiencing the hip spots in town. People used to tell us how awesome we were together. Well I’ll tell you like many others will facebook is a cloak for only good times. I knew we weren’t great and we had our arguments. I did not know she was that unhappy though.
My divorce was final in July. It was a quick process as she made demands of me in April that I could not appease so we both agreed to move on. I was also very smart in the beginning and had a prenuptial agreement. It was and still is incredibly painful.
Before she left she made sure to tear me down to nothing but a shell of myself. Telling me what a terrible person I was. Divorce is painful enough but she made sure it had to be worse. I know now that she was trying to make me feel how she was probably feeling for years which hurt as well. I lost a lot of friends which obviously just turned the screws even more. As she left my confidence was at zero and it made it difficult to get out of bed in the morning or even want to move. The only reason I did was because I had to go to work. I eventually got better day by day. I can go into that more in separate blogs if that’s wanted. I’m trying to keep this short.
Here’s one thing you won’t hear a lot of. I made a lot of mistakes that drove her away. I did not cheat or abuse. I was less than loving and at times over bearing. I look back on things I did and said and can’t stand myself for doing them. It’s been one of the harder things Ive had to deal with. I want you to know if you feel the same way you are not alone. You’ll hear a lot of men claim they did nothing wrong and have no fault. It was my fault I let it get as far as it did. What I’m slowly learning is it was also her fault for letting it get that far too and not talking to me about it. Instead going to a therapist without me knowing. I ended up learning she changed herself so she could marry me and 7 years later who she was was coming out for real. This lead to frustration on my part and lashing out in the ways I didn’t understand. I also learned she was trying so hard to be the person that I thought she was it built up resentment within her. This is why she hated me and tore me down at the end.
I’m hoping that this helped you to read. I can contribute more if you have found this helpful. I’m nowhere near okay yet but I’m better than I was. Typing this before would have caused me to break down but now I can express my feelings like I couldn’t before. Just one step in this massive process. One last thing. It gets better. I know it doesn’t feel like it but it does. Hang in there.